We hate talking to strangers and unfortunately this seems to be a key skill in business! Networking – love it or hate it – in business we have to do it. But did you know that you can limber up before you work a room- here are ten tips to help you out…

1. I will make the most of the time here – it is 3 hours of my time that I do not get paid for.

2. I will enjoy myself I will have fun

3. This room will be familiar. I will see people on their own, open 2‘s and 3’s. They will be welcoming. Beware of the closed 2’s 3’s and 4+ groups unless there are people in there I already know.

4. I plan to talk to 3 new people and gain 3 new pieces of information.

5. I will work hard at introducing myself to the person/ people I’m targeting.

6. I will get myself into a positive state of mind.

7. Everyone here wants to network. That’s why they are here!

8. I’m a decent and likeable person I believe in myself and, in my area I have much knowledge and expertise.

9. There will be the odd rude person here…let’s just get away from them as soon as possible.

10. It might happen, but very very occasionally I might get rejected. These people aren’t worth giving a second thought to. Let’s focus on the 99.9% of pleasant and welcoming people.

Networking online or in person (eventually it is necessary to do in person) involves talking to complete random strangers. People you don't know, people who might be untrustworthy, people who might have an agenda, people who might take from you, people who might steal from you, people who might harm you. We don't like talking to strangers. Strangers are bad. Strangers will hurt you. Strangers have negative associations.

Yet we are all strangers to other people.

I'm not a shy person, I'm outgoing, chatty and extroverted. I still don't like talking to arbitrary unfamiliar, alien people. Why? I was always told not to talk to strangers as a child. As children our parents drum that rule into us, and it's good thing. We need to be aware of danger. However, we also need to be aware that the psychological tools that we needed to keep us safe as kids are not always appropriate in the varying situations we find ourselves in as adults.

I have a 3 year old niece, Laksha, who until recently was "shy". Earlier this year we went on a huge family Caribbean cruise. My niece and I would take walks around the ship. In this environment, my adult self had no issue with greeting my fellow passengers even though they were all strangers. It was sunny, relaxed and our spirits were high. I knew Laksha and I were safe on the ship and I was right in my own way. Laksha thought differently. She knew everyone was a stranger and therefore not to be trusted. Laksha was right in her own way. Passengers would frequently attempt to greet my beautiful little niece. Laksha avoided eye contact by hiding in my arms or rubbing her eyes. This was interpreted as shyness. Shyness in young children is a psychological defence mechanism against harm from strangers. The first part of the defence process is to be unapproachable the next is to run away, scream and cry for their parents. Following this, it is to defend themselves against other small children. My niece knew that I thought that these "strangers" were ok, but she needed the chance to make her own decisions and practice "sizing people up." As adults, we make those decisions instantaneously - we've had more practice! Of course, following her many social experiences at such a young age I'm pleased proud to say that Laksha is now better than me at selecting and talking to new people!

Even though we regularly interact with strangers though work and social functions, these childhood rules still haunt us. However, when you're trying to network as a grown up those rules just don't help. So, how do you talk to stranger at a networking event when you're there on your own? I'm hoping this blog will help equip you with a few ideas at your next networking event so you can make the best of your time there.

The initial note to bear in mind is that you are allowed to talk to strangers at networking events - in fact, you're meant to. I like to think of it like being on the cruise ship where it was almost impolite not to say hello to the passengers around you. Remember you have plenty in common with your fellow networkers:-

1. You are all there to meet and talk to each other.
2. You are all strangers to each other.
3. You are there to network.
4. You are all there to make the best of the event
5. You are all there to help your fellow networkers where you can.


So the first hurdle is your approach and it starts with looking around for someone to meet, making eye contact and then offering a smile.

Smiling is the easiest thing to do but so hard for so many people. This is because of what we are thinking at the time. However, when breaking the ice in a networking event smiling is all-important. People mirror smiles. Test this for yourself generally if you smile at people they will smile back even if they don't mean to. It may help to remember the last time you felt truly hospitable, to be welcoming you have to smile! People mirror attitude so like The Law of Attraction a bad mood attracts bad vibes. People are less likely to want to talk to you.

When you have met someone to connect with, you may want to have a few opening lines ready for example:-

1. Very simply introduce yourself and what you do.
2. Asking how they found the seminar, talk, workshop (some networking events contain these)
3. Ask how business is today.
4. Ask the other person what they do.
5. Ask what time the event ends (Even if you know)
6. Ask how the other person's day has been.
7. Offering introductions.
8. Ask if the other person is enjoying the networking event and who have they met.

Once you have broken the ice and in a good flow of conversation do remember the following:-

1. Don't have an agenda - and don't let other people have an agenda either.
2. Prepare for some scepticism - all this means is that more information is needed.
3. No judgement.
4. Prepare some questions that you don't know the answer to.
5. Take time to get to know the other person.
6. Beware of BS e.g., I met someone who said that they had consulted to a major record label and that this major record label was not licensing any if it's back catalogue. Licensing is of course staple revenue for a major record label.
7. Keep the conversation alive with new question.
8. Offer ideas.
9. Listen.

You will come across people who may not be in the mood to converse. This isn't personal, tell them to "Have a nice day/evening/week/weekend and take care." Exchange cards so you can you can connect with them later. Let them go and move forward. Shake hands, beginning or end of the interaction depending on what feels natural.


With practice, you will gain huge benefits from these networking exercises, for example:-

1. It builds your social skills. You also enable another person to build theirs and after a while this just becomes a natural part of who you are.
2. You learn new things
3. You get more opportunities.
4. You will have the pleasure of creating opportunities for others.

Good luck and Happy Networking

They say there are five pillars to wealth. One variation is property, stocks, business, career and internet. The internet figures consistently. If networking can help build your networth then the internet must play a part as it is now a connection medium.

However, I read recently that the UK is lagging behind Europe when it comes to using social networks to enhance career and business. Only 51% of UK business people are on a social network. (Source. SSI) Facebook is the UK’s hottest social network. In spite of this, we are only using it to connect with friends and family or spy on peers.

The internet has clearly changed our consciousness and changed us culturally. According to Nik Halik of the Financial Freedom Institute, there are ten cultural trends to be noted:-

1 - By 2010, 90% of all consumer goods will be home delivered.
2 - Time is the new money: People would rather spend money than time.
3 - Home Meal Replacement is now a multi-billion dollar business. (More money is spent on take home drink due to the economy than in pubs. Now, pubs are forced to close at a rate of five a day so food is following on from here)
5 - Stressed-out consumers want to indulge in affordable luxuries. (A brand new emerald green silk dress for £17, new Diesel jeans for £42 and beautiful diamond watches worth £2500 for £400 all grace of private sales on interweb!)
6 - Longevity products that lead to a more exuberant life.
7 - Fantasy adventures that whet our appetites for roads untaken.
8 - People like to belong to groups with common feelings, causes or ideals.
9 - Baby boomers find comfort in familiar pursuits and products from their youth.
10- Online “webucation” is the future of all education on the internet casting doubt on the role of a physical teacher. (I don’t agree here people will always want the visceral experience of being together this is why seminars and gigs etc are such big business now! Nevertheless, yes online education is on the rise)

We are increasingly living online, so if you want to increase your network; social networking is essential to the mix.

So once you’ve built a detailed profile, uploaded your CV, emailed everyone you know, asked them to join and gathered your testimonials - what do you do? How do you actually leverage a social network? How do you get the best out of the people you know and reach the people you don’t know? You don’t want to come across like a MySpace hawker, you don’t want to spam. God forbid that your message is deleted, flagged or worse – ignored….

What’s your strategy going forward?

Think “pull” strategy.” Actively develop your profile almost like a “product.” You want users to seek you out because they believe that you can fill their needs. The focus is on trust and perceived value. The vibe is passive an indirect. Relationship marketing and high trust selling is now hailed as the way to business and career success. Wouldn’t you rather be one of those sought after experts that everybody wants?

But perhaps this is the question that no one really wants to ask – “What the hell do I say?”

Here are some tips:-

1. You have your 30 second elevator pitch transfer this to text so it can be captured by the eye in a second.
2. Know your USPs and their benefits
3. Ask individual questions that show you are genuinely interested in the person you are connecting with.
4. Do little favours and share useful tidbits of information.
5. Offer something of value for free (e.g. podcast, blogs etc)
6. Offer introductions, connections and broadcast letters, and offer/ask for informational interviews.
7. Add a signature to your communications to reinforce your “brand”

Remember to define and locate your market and target the right person. Profile your ideal contact. Whilst you must be open-minded, you never know who might know whom; you also want to use your time wisely. If you’re looking to further your career in art focussing on French pharmaceutical contacts with zero interest in art will not help.

Social networks are a way of meeting people. Once you have done the introduction take it to a human level with a phone call then a meeting. Serve others but do not be afraid to know your needs, why you need them and express what it is that you need. If people don’t know what you need or want then even if they want to help they can’t.

One more thing – please stay safe when meeting in person. You are connecting with someone over the internet and it comes back to the basics. Words only form 7% or so of our communication, the rest is 38% tonality and 55% body language! Therefore, you are missing 93% of the communication you need in order to make good judgment.

So some ideas on this:-

1. Tell someone that you having this meeting
2. Keep a record of all conversations on email etc
3. Trust your instincts
4. Keep your personal details very private. Choose when to reveal information like phone numbers. Don’t reveal any financial information
5. Block abusers.
6. Meet in public
7. Don’t drink alcohol at all!
8. Take your mobile phone with you.
9. Do not let the person you are meeting pick you up
10. Don’t leave personal belongings (purses, wallets) or drinks unattended.
11. Get as much information as possible about the other person BEFORE meeting off-line.
12. Share those details with a colleague, friend or family member.


Finally, networking is about relationships first and commerce second. It should be an emotionally rewarding experience as well a financially rewarding experience. So have fun!

Love it or hate it networking is a crucial part of modern day life. No matter what you want to achieve in any area – there are people out there that can assist you with your dreams. Networking means developing a broad list of contacts -- people you've met through various social and business functions -- and using them to your advantage. This 21st Century skill is critical to your success particularly if you want to close the gap from where you are to where you want to be in the shortest amount of time.

Consider the concept of your network being your networth. Whom you choose to spend your time with is a reflection of your networth and affects it dramatically. Your income will generally be 10% within that of your closest friends’ income. You have to be choosy with whom you spend your time. Choose to spend your time with people who support your ambition whatever it may be, and stay away from those who don’t support you, even if you are simply striving. When it comes to making more P’s be it in business or landing a better paid job, unfortunately it is about whom you know. Gone are the days where good honest hard graft would be recognised for its worth and rewarded fairly (or even unfairly!). In school, they teach us to sit down, shut up and do as you’re told. Apply yourself and memorise. This is pretty much what you need to succeed academically. It is an institutional way of thinking that doesn’t harmonise with The Digital Age, Web 2.0 or basically our need to connect with other human beings. Getting A’s in school doesn’t mean you’ll get A’s in Life.

The majority of financial and business opportunities come from connecting with the right people at the right time. Successful execs have enough event invites and business cards to fill a room. They also understand how to leverage their network at key moments in order to create the resources they need. Jobwise making big career jumps is more likely to come from your contacts rather than the open job market. In fact, career experts estimate that the vast majority of job openings are never advertised or publicly announced, but filled through word-of-mouth or networking -- known as the "hidden job market." The likelihood of a job opening not being advertised at all increases with the level of the job. Yet, even with this knowledge, most job seekers fail to fully utilize networking for all it's worth. The latest stats from various UK and US sources on the Net report that as much as 60% of jobs are found through referrals and as little as 5% through the open job market, bear in mind also that many recruitment agencies fabricate roles just keep their SCC (single column centimetre) ad space rates down.

Therefore, like anything in life how successful you are depends on your energy and commitment to the cause.

So what do you do? Here are a few ideas to consider.

The best way to network is that Utopian Pay It Forward principle. If you are willing to show people that you can help them when you can, they are very likely to return the favour. You will find that this is very much part of the networking and entrepreneurial culture. Also be watchful of those “isn’t it a small world” moments that create those once in a lifetime opportunities for you.

Be open-minded when it comes to networking. It is very easy to limit networking to your social activities, group or your industry. The point is you never know where people are going to wind up. Please do not fall into the self-important trap of thinking “this person who wants to know me just cannot help me.” You will magically meet the people who can assist you on your path if you are open your eyes and network 360 degrees. In reality, we have no clue who knows who. People can sense this attitude and you could be missing golden opportunities. If you really thought about it, I’m sure you could think of at least one millionaire that you have access to – I have five that I can think of right now. Be nice not naïve!

Set yourself a target of meeting 3-5 people per week who could potentially help you with your dreams and goals. You could be in the position to leverage potentially 156-260 new relationships in a year. However, do understand that these relationships have to be developed, do get to know people and what they are looking for in Life and how you can serve them.

With this in mind you have a strategy with introductions – meditate on how you can help someone you are about to meet or meditate on how you can help them with their goals before contacting them. This gives you an opening and an angle. One of the most rewarding experiences I have had was to help a friend with his trip to Mauritius. My friend originally from the UK was planning a holiday there and asked my advice as I have Mauritian heritage. This was a real pleasure and I hope it helped make his holiday a success. This is the superglue of your relationships and the culture you must cultivate within your network. Concentrate on the little favours you can do. Have you seen an article of interest that your contacts might appreciate? Can you link your contacts together so that they can assist each other? Did you recently read a book that you could recommend to your contacts? Be confident and take a genuine interest. People tend to do business or give jobs to people they like! Don’t be afraid of over-giving because you should and must call in your favours. Remember some people like doing favours it does wonders for their ego! Be bold and don’t forget to ask for those all important referrals.

Make these habits and it won’t seem so hard. Be organised keep a computer database (not your mobile phonebook!) with some updated simple notes on your contacts. Think of all the people you know and how you can leverage this network to meet your needs and theirs. This is very powerful if you do it everyday. Perhaps start with calling or emailing 3 of your existing contacts every week to warm them up, spend 15 minutes chatting or create an email dialogue. Arrange a meeting with at least one of them and see where this leads you. It could take you places you want to go perhaps even beyond.

Screengrab from the UK Chris Brown website for the "Chris Brown" album

Grabs below

Trade Press from New Media Age for work with Penguin - short book stint! I had forgotten that I worked on Jamie Oliver's Jamie's Dinners and Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Heaven and some other books... the names of which completely escape me now.

Shakira and P!NK Digital PR grabs

Front page of the Mirror for the Instant Music Campaign

Some portfolio scans of the Instant Music covermount for the Mirror Newspaper when I worked for Peoplesound.com. Newspaper cuttings to follow...